The flower that cannot bloom...

I thought that i would lose my faith.
Through the many prayers...
I hoped and believed.
I was finally given.
It was exactly what i hoped and prayed for.
But somehow it didnt turn out right.
It wasnt supposed to be like that.

I realised that i prayed for the wrong thing.
I didnt know better.
Perhaps it was meant to be.
So that my eyes will be opened wide.
So that i will learn that there is no such thing as perfection.
So that i wun take things for granted anymore.
So that i will stop being so spoilt and pampered.
So that i will be wiser from now.
Life aint that easy...
You cant make it on your own.
You've got to hold on to your faith and continuing believing.
You need His mighty strength and grace.
Perhaps that was the message.
Perhaps that is the only way to stop falling further.
Dilkz said that in every decision i make,
no matter how wrong,
He will not let me fall out of His hands of protection.
N i believe.

I carried out my final decision today.
She asked to speak to me.
After talking, I felt that it was the right choice.
I felt that since she wasnt appreciative,
why shud i stay?
Neither did she ask me to.
This further confirms that my decision is right this time.
She thinks too highly of herself.
It is never her fault.
How can you see your surroundings cleary when your nose is held so high?

It was not the place that i would grow and bloom.
It was not because im not good enough.
It was not because i did not have enough potential.
Others saw the potential in me.
Others admire my beauty.
But the soil that im planted in was not suitable.
The temperature is too cold.
The sunlight is not strong enough.
I withered.

I left what i initially thought was a shithole,
to a REAL shithole.
I was mistaken.
I did not know what a real shithole looks like.
I see it clearly now.
Previously, it was fertilizer.
Smelly, but nutritious and nurturing.
Now, it is just plain dung.
You wun survive unless you know how to dig well.
Unless someone helps to pull u out of it.
I can neither dig well nor does anyone wanna dirty their hands to pull me out of it.

Gone is my promotion to AVP,
my 5-figure bonus,
the ability to buy several LV bags.

But what i have gained,
is priceless.
The lesson learnt.
The experience gained.
The discharged dejection.
The renewed hope and optimism in me.
I am beginning to find myself again.
Slowly but surely...i hope.

No regrets now.
No more tears and helpless crying.
No more time and energy for that.
The future, here i come.
Wait for me.
I'll catch up.

My final decision

I have finally made a decision.
N i hope this time my decision is the right one.
I really cant afford another mistake.

Have been troubled, confused and thinking hard for so long.
Decided to just trust and follow my heart again.
Suddenly felt very relived and happie, like my long-drawn depressed mood is being lifted.

I recently read an entry in a good fren's blog.
Well, maybe she's an ex-good fren now...
since she hasnt been making the effort to maintain her friendship with me and the girls.
I felt that she gave really good advise in her blog and it relates to me so well.
Yet the advise and consolation was not for me but for another fren instead.
I wonder if she even knows what is going on with my life now.

Anyway...
Here's the excerpt from her blog:

One thing i realise about people is that,
we're always mulling about the choices presented to us.

Did we make the right decision?
Should I do this?
Even when we've made up our minds, we'll still be left wondering whether we did the right thing.

Part of it stems from our insecurity about our judgement.
Truth is, there is no right decision.
Only the one you think is right, at that point in time.

In simpler terms, just follow your heart.

You may even regret that decision, which you made by following your heart.
But at least you can tell yourself, I was being true to myself.
I just didn't know better at that time.

I often tell my friends. Don't be too harsh on yourself.
Part of life is making mistakes.

I once saw this quote on my colleague's email. It's his signature.
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, its also more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

I dedicate this entry to YY, who's currently at the crossroads in her career.

I felt that I could relate to what she wrote.
Because I was one who made the wrong decision.
I followed my heart...
altho i was initially in a dilemma, mulling over the choices presented to me.
I regretted the decision eventually.
But that was cause i didn't know better.

I felt consoled by her words.
Yet sad that it was dedicated not to me but to someone else.

We brought Livvy out!

Baby and I brought Livvy out for dinner at East Coast Park's Sushi Tei last evening.
It was the first time we brought Livvy out - just the 3 of us.
Like a happie family! =)

Her parents were not free - her mum had to take care of the newborn Liz, and her dad is working over the weekend.
N since Uncle Nicholas and Jiejie-Fiona is so free on Saturday evening,
and equally bored as Livvy,
We brought her out!

We took a walk along East Coast Park to see cats, dogs, ships, aeroplanes, sea etc, before gg to Sushi Tei to have our dinner.

Livvy loves the tamago sushi and we ordered a tempura don to let her have the egg and rice which she loves!
She also had her fave ice-cream!
She chose watermelon sherbet coz it is pink and she thotught it was strawberry. Haha!
But luckily watermelon is one of her fave fruit, so she still loves the ice cream.

Here are some photos i took.
I took a video too! But somehow unable to upload =(









He looks like he has the potential to be a good dad hor?
I hope so....haha.

Adorable Little Things

Last Sunday was filled with adorable things.
Woke up early to go to Baby's house.
It was Little Ryan's 1st Year birthday.
Little Ryan is the son of Baby's cousin.

While waiting for the rest to get ready, Liv, Baby and I had a little fun with Liv's new giant Mickey Mouse!

Cutie Livvy with her fave pose


Livvie with her favourite JieJie-Fiona.
JieJie-Fiona has the same favourite pose as Livvy! =)


Livvy and Uncle Nicholas the Big Bully


Looks like a happie family! =)


Livvy dun seem to know how to smile when taking pictures.
She looks like she is forced into taking photos with us!
But truth is she loves to take photos but will just stand there while u take her photo.
After taking the photo, she will go "See! See!" excitedly coz she wants to preview the photo taken on the digicam.
So clever and vain hor! Haha!


Since she doesnt know how to smile, we tried teaching her and demostrating to her.
And...this is the result!
She seems to be saying "Is this correct JieJie-Fiona? Look at me!"


Uncle Nic's turn to try...still failed.
Her smile is a SUPER FAKE WIDE FROZEN SMILE!


We gave up and just tickled her. Haha! Works!


Notti Livvy sitting on and crushing Mickey, and laughing hysterically.
At least her smile looks nice and natural here...finally!


Pose No.2: Gangster Livvy. Potential Chao Ah Lian!


Pose No. 3: The frozen fake smile is back again >_<"


Uncle Nic's and JieJie Fiona's turn to take photos with Mickey!



Aiyah! Was too busy eating all the yummy delicacies at the chinese restaurant
that i forgot to take photos of the 1 yr old birthday boy Little Ryan,
and of the glorious yummy food we ate!=(

Here's Leticia (Baby's other niece) in her Winnie the Pooh party hat, concentrating on eating and chewing her food.
She got 樱桃小嘴!


Liv and her Cinderella party hat.


I got no party hat =(
I want Hello Kitty one...

Step it up with me

We watched "Step Up 2" last Sat.
For those who likes to dance, who can appreciate dance, where dance can blow your mind away....watch it.
The dance moves were "Woah!"
I liked it. I wished i could do all those hip hop popping n locking.
There was some nice smooth salsa as well!
I wish i had that kinda energy.
The choreography was really good.


I thought about how i was in the dance team and cheerleading squad back in school days.
I love the feeling of dancing...
where you can channel your energy to,
where you can express yourself,
where you can work it out.
But i hate the part where you have to remember the steps for a performance.

I love watching dance shows like Dirty Dancing, Honey, Take the Lead, Shall We Dance, Stomp The Yard etc
Watch these if you havent! =)

After watching the movie, with my current favourite song "Low by Flo Rida ft T-Pain" stuck in my head...
I wanted to go clubbing so much!
Was supposed to go to the Arena with my girlfrens again on Sat.
But in the end did not do so coz of Soph's last min changes in travel plans, everyone's pre-arranged dinner plans, and also me being on medication.

I guess here is a good time to post the pictures of me and my girlfrens at Arena 2 weeks back before I went Bangkok!

We went shopping at Far East - well, WINDOW shopping for me.
N i fell in love with this hairband!

It is a pink satin hairband with sequinns outlining the ribbon!
So chio! So Me!
But I was scared i really look like a total BIMBO in it.
So i din buy altho i love it so much!


We met for dinner at Su Korean Restaurant - yes yes Korean BBQ again.
I LOVE Korean food! N ginseng chicken soup!
We ate till we were so full, we were practically bursting!





Den we went to Clarke Quay to chill.
I was telling my girlfrens i heard the Arena was quite good.
N it was realli not bad!
It played realli nice and the latest R&B songs!
Woah! I was so happie!
And at that point, i realli missed my CANDS DARLING so much!
I know that she would love it too!

Anyway i was itching to dance after not clubbing for so long - 4 months!
Since Candy left for London, i only clubbed once after that =(
So i dragged Baby to dance w me.
But my girls din want too coz they were not appropriately dressed - flats and dresses.
So they feel weird dancing.
I wear what also can dance so never mind.
Wahahaha!

Anyway we had lotsa drinks coz free flow for a $30 cover from 10 - 1am.
N Yanz ordered food coz she havent had dinner.
(To Yanz: See lar! Nvr join us for sumptuous korean food.)
N yah...my itchy mouth started eating again altho we were all so full from our korean dinner!
Yanling wants me eat with her to be fat. She is so evil!
Hahaha!







We shall go to Arena again soon ok girls!
This time dress appropriately hor! =P

Cands! Faster come back den we go do our thing k! =)

Gosh...I LOVE my best friends.

Good Friday, Fun Friday

Had a really nice long Good Friday weekend with the people i love most.
On Good Friday, went out to church with my parents and bro.
(Usually I go to New Creation church with Dilkz...since Nov last yr)

Anyway after church we went to have yummy Korean bbq and steamboat at Awon Korean Restaurant...which is one of my fave korean bbq n steamboat place.




Went shopping at orchard with mummy and bro till Baby came to meet us.
Met up with LY and Soph as well for a nice meal at Spagheddies coz i had a craving for ham and mushroom aglio olio and calamari!
Once again Soph's hubby is overseas =( Poor Soph.
Yanz supposed to join us but she was out cycling at Pulau Ubin!
So cud only join us later.
That girl and her cycling! =(





Pig out again =(
I have been eating so much lately.

I wanna be SKINNY. Not just slim...but SKINNY...but still maintain the boobs. Hahaha!

Anyway we were shopping around and Yanz came to join us! Yippee!!!!!
So off we went for our 2nd activity of the night. Dempsey!
Got a ride on Soph's spanking new car.
Mercs sia! Dun play play!
Her rich hubby buy for her one...so good...


We went to have yummy desserts and drinks at P.S. Cafe at Dempsey Road.Cosy but popular, crowded and expensive place.

Ordered some ice cream puff in chocolate fudge and double chocolate fudge cake.
The ice cream puff was super yummy and we finished it all!
But the double choc was super thick and had dark chocolate so i din like.
It was so thick n sweet that we only ate 1/4 of it.


Chocolate brownie. Cant rem the exact name of it but it was quite nice, had marshmallow and ice-cream.
But we din finish this too coz after eating half of it...it got quite ge lat
All these dessert costs us about $15 each serving!
So EX! yet we din finish....haha.


Baby n me


Me and the girls with several unsuccessful attempts at taking a nice pic! =(
Here's one where there is such a huge gap betw Soph & Yanz, and LY n me.


LY accidentally banged her head against the wall amidst all the excitment of taking and retaking the photos.
The two girls on the left of the pic are obviously OBLIVIOUS!
Still dare to continue posing.
This LY also. Knock her head can scream and den laugh non-stop.
I was laughing at the 2 OBLIVIOUS posers!


Finally! The photo that passed!



Anyway LY cut her hair the next day!
From her wild permed locks to sleek straight hair.
From modern sassy to mod chic.


SQ and me who went to meet LY when she was doing her hair, just to give her support n to kaypoh kaypoh.
We are such good girl frens! Hehehe!


Im gg to straighten my hair too!
Coz i had permed hair for 1 and a half yrs alry.
Getting boring so time to change.
N im getting realli lazy...always need to style my hair.
Straight hair no need to comb! I missed that! Haha.
Got advise by my hairstylist last month when i went to trim my hair that i shud wait till April coz they will be having a special promo on hair straightening.
So i shall wait!
Save $$$. Hehe!