The flower that cannot bloom...

I thought that i would lose my faith.
Through the many prayers...
I hoped and believed.
I was finally given.
It was exactly what i hoped and prayed for.
But somehow it didnt turn out right.
It wasnt supposed to be like that.

I realised that i prayed for the wrong thing.
I didnt know better.
Perhaps it was meant to be.
So that my eyes will be opened wide.
So that i will learn that there is no such thing as perfection.
So that i wun take things for granted anymore.
So that i will stop being so spoilt and pampered.
So that i will be wiser from now.
Life aint that easy...
You cant make it on your own.
You've got to hold on to your faith and continuing believing.
You need His mighty strength and grace.
Perhaps that was the message.
Perhaps that is the only way to stop falling further.
Dilkz said that in every decision i make,
no matter how wrong,
He will not let me fall out of His hands of protection.
N i believe.

I carried out my final decision today.
She asked to speak to me.
After talking, I felt that it was the right choice.
I felt that since she wasnt appreciative,
why shud i stay?
Neither did she ask me to.
This further confirms that my decision is right this time.
She thinks too highly of herself.
It is never her fault.
How can you see your surroundings cleary when your nose is held so high?

It was not the place that i would grow and bloom.
It was not because im not good enough.
It was not because i did not have enough potential.
Others saw the potential in me.
Others admire my beauty.
But the soil that im planted in was not suitable.
The temperature is too cold.
The sunlight is not strong enough.
I withered.

I left what i initially thought was a shithole,
to a REAL shithole.
I was mistaken.
I did not know what a real shithole looks like.
I see it clearly now.
Previously, it was fertilizer.
Smelly, but nutritious and nurturing.
Now, it is just plain dung.
You wun survive unless you know how to dig well.
Unless someone helps to pull u out of it.
I can neither dig well nor does anyone wanna dirty their hands to pull me out of it.

Gone is my promotion to AVP,
my 5-figure bonus,
the ability to buy several LV bags.

But what i have gained,
is priceless.
The lesson learnt.
The experience gained.
The discharged dejection.
The renewed hope and optimism in me.
I am beginning to find myself again.
Slowly but surely...i hope.

No regrets now.
No more tears and helpless crying.
No more time and energy for that.
The future, here i come.
Wait for me.
I'll catch up.