Deluded

I dunno what if what I want is really what im after anymore.
The kind of life that i want, the dreams that i chase, the success that i seek.
The people i choose to love, the people i choose to trust, the people whom i thot loved and understood me.
The circle of trust is getting smaller.

Evrything is out of my grasp and beyond my control.
N i really hate that kinda feeling.
I wanna know what's in it for me, what lies ahead.
What will happen if i take this path,
what will happen if i take the other.

Seek God and you will find your way.
But somehow, i think even He gave up on me.
I asked for signs...den again...
i realized that i do not know how to read them.
Maybe i just dun want to read them.
N now, there's a big chance that i may be going in the wrong direction.
But i foolishly continue walking.
Living in denial, letting things hang...
Believing that someday it will all work out on it's own.

Every choice i make comes with a heavy penalty...
What they call an Opportunity Cost.
I hate opportunity costs.
I want it ALL.

If u work hard and earn yourself some success, ppl say that u r arrogant and despise others.
If u don't, ppl despise u.

If u give your two-cents worth on an issue, ppl say that u criticize.
If u don't, ppl say u r bimbotic.

If u love with all you've got, u risk getting ur heart broken.
If u don't, u risk missing out on what's perhaps in most impt thing in life.

If u build up self-confidence, ppl may say that u think too highly of urself.
If u don't, everyone looks down on u. Including urself.

If u take the effort to be friendly n sociable, ppl say u try too hard. Some call u a slut.
If u don't, ppl call u a bitch. An arrogant one.

If u try hard and it turns out all wrong, ppl say 'i told you so'.
If u try hard and it turns out right, u are lucky.

Who do we want to please?
What do we want to achieve?
What is happiness to you?
To want more of something, you have to give up more of other things.
To want the best of something, you have to give up something else really important to you.
Managing your opportunity costs.
To hell with that.